what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
