never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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