He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
