If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
