Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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