Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
