i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
