...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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