I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
