How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
