that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize