How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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