We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
