I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I faked an abortion last night.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
