Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You need a sexual gate keeper
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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