is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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