Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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