it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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