i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.