This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.