Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him

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(845): I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him http://tfl.nu/y1pg

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(940): View more from Texas

Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night

(1-940): View more from Texas

I don't have a cat..?

(940): View more from Texas

Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.

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(940): Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night (1-940): I don't have a cat..? (940): Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge. http://tfl.nu/uym0

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(440): View more from Ohio

WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!

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(440): WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?! http://tfl.nu/lphy

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(727): View more from Florida

Semen is not good for contacts.

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(727): Semen is not good for contacts. http://tfl.nu/krg1

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(732): View more from New Jersey

please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

...i wondered where i left that...

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(732): please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong... (1-732): ...i wondered where i left that... http://tfl.nu/q7mv

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake

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(610): We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake http://tfl.nu/df0e

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.

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(608): Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day. http://tfl.nu/sglt

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(616): View more from Michigan

But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"

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(616): But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!" http://tfl.nu/95zk

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(501): View more from Arkansas

somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit

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(501): somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit http://tfl.nu/n1zz

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(630): View more from Illinois

I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember

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(630): I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember http://tfl.nu/77e3

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(802): View more from Vermont

Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...

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(802): Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not... http://tfl.nu/ztpl

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(541): View more from Oregon

Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.

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(541): Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity. http://tfl.nu/lznq

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(540): View more from Virginia

Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"

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(540): Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home" http://tfl.nu/xfn6

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(501): View more from Arkansas

There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.

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(501): There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success. http://tfl.nu/8q5q

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I put xanax in the cake batter

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

Did you really? It all makes sense now.

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(201): I put xanax in the cake batter (1-201): Did you really? It all makes sense now. http://tfl.nu/asjy

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