I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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