took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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