Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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