just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
