Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
