I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think my moral compass just broke
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
