It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
