Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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