At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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