you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
