part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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