when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
