he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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