if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
where are my eyebrows?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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