Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left