My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.