just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
