My sheets look like a crime scene.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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