Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
