A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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