Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
