your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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