She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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