imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
