Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
