I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I would fuck him just for his dog
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
