I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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