I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
