I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ladies don't puke and tell
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
