If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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