You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
