How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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