As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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