dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
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is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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