i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
