he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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