the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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