You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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