She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
